Job Probation Gifts

"Hold on, Brandon. Let your probationary period expire before you start microwaving fish."

'Tread carefully...it's her extended unfair dismissal qualification period.'

Focus"Your work has declined Tom. I really don't think that you are focused enough!"

'I'll be late for dinner, dear, I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

'I can't believe I didn't get that promotion. So many people have passed me by I feel like a road sign on the highway to success.'

"Well, sure. We could hire some Temps, but they only live about ten days."

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

Working 9 to 5.

One of the failed candidates for the copyrighters job wants to know 'wat was rong with his applicashun'.

That endless instant between initial eye contact and conscious recognition.

It's to stop you getting side-tracked.

"Sorry, we first have to do a background check."

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

worker rejects promotion to protect deniability

"I got probation."

"...Everyone you meet on the way up, you'll meet again on the way down."

Man running from desk: 'I can't seem to get away from my work lately.'

'I'm sorry, Bennett; but we gave the job to O'Toole. You have the know-how, but he had the know-who.'

'The bad news, Pomeroy, is tht we're giving your job to your secretary -- the good news is that she wants you to stay on as her secretary!'

"It's not that you're a failure. It's that you completely lack the capacity for success."

'You can't cash your paychecks until your 6 month probation is satisfactorily over.'

I like you Roger:- you've got sticktoitiveness.

"What time is it mentally?"

'He has a weak character. Notice how easily he lets his work distract him?'

'Sorry, but I don't think you're right for our company.'

'... Yeah. That just means we aren't much good.'

'As a matter of fact, I can offer you another career option.'

I'm trying to figure out what drives you... A new company car would be nice.

Boss, what would you say if I told you that if you don't give me a raise, I'll go work somewhere else? I'd say "Wouldn't it be a shame if your letter of recommendation mentioned how you're an awful employee?" And I'd say "Isn't it a shame the town council has made sure this is the only cafe within fifty miles?" But the way, have you delivered my latest care packages to the council members? Very bad man.

Workaholic

When Policy Fails, Try Thinking.

'I like the way you tick, Watkins!'

Shoplifter behind a barcode.

'The hard time isn't so bad, but that community service is murder!'

'Her pro bono impulses are raging out of control.'