Job Perks Aficionado T-Shirts

'...and we offer a limited dental plan: uppers or lowers?'

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

"It raises trust issues, Mr. Kranse, when your very first question is 'what's the catch?'."

'... and finally, to my business partner I leave my corporate parking space.'

"I know you used to be our paperboy. That's why when you leave, you'll find your resume on the roof."

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

"When you promised me 'a set of wheels', I assumed a company car."

"We got him through a firm of headhunters"

"You're entitled to ten sick days, five personal days and four complete do-overs."

"That was a good interview. Do you have any other questions about this company?"

'And now, the Meeting Marching Band.'

"You come highly recommended. I like that."

'The candidate must be decisive and independently minded.' - 'Would I describe myself as 'decisive and independently minded'?' - 'Would you describe me as 'decisive and independently minded'?'

'I see you worked here seven years ago. Don't you have a better reference than that?'

'I received matching offers.'

"You'll be allowed to work from home two days a week... Saturday and Sunday."

"I told you they had a tough interview process here."

'I warned you not to ask for a shorter work week.'

"That's not all I do. Actually I'm a psychological counselor- gymnast-motivational speaker-relaxation therapist-sex worker."

Very well, Mr Potter. I blinked first. You're hired.

'Guilty? But I just hired an expensive personnel firm to update my resume.'

"Maybe we apply as a group....crowdsourcing employment."

'I'd love to have whatever job you have left.'

'Who said honesty is the best policy?'

'Have you any other references apart from your mother's?'

'We're looking for someone who would be comfortable toiling in obscurity for at least thirty years.'

'I'm going to write a salary figure on this piece of paper. You tell me if it is acceptable or too high.'

'The LACK of a resume indicates that I don't need one.'

'Heyyy, you're hired! Want a peanut?'

'What training do I get?'

"I like my job. It keeps me alive."

'Since you were previously self-employed, you shouldn't mind working for us without a health plan.'