Job Perk Aficionado T-Shirts

'The firm provides every new executive with a personal trainer.'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"I've told you why I need a dog. Now suppose you tell me what makes you think you might be that dog."

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

"It raises trust issues, Mr. Kranse, when your very first question is 'what's the catch?'."

'... and finally, to my business partner I leave my corporate parking space.'

Perks

"I know you used to be our paperboy. That's why when you leave, you'll find your resume on the roof."

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

"We got him through a firm of headhunters"

'Other than the fact that you were a trustee at the county jail, do you have any other character references?'

"Would you thrive in a hostile work environment?"

"You come highly recommended. I like that."

'I received matching offers.'

"That was a good interview. Do you have any other questions about this company?"

'I see you worked here seven years ago. Don't you have a better reference than that?'

'The candidate must be decisive and independently minded.' - 'Would I describe myself as 'decisive and independently minded'?' - 'Would you describe me as 'decisive and independently minded'?'

"I told you they had a tough interview process here."

'I warned you not to ask for a shorter work week.'

'Who said honesty is the best policy?'

'Guilty? But I just hired an expensive personnel firm to update my resume.'

"And my approval rating is sixty-two."

"Maybe we apply as a group....crowdsourcing employment."

"That's not all I do. Actually I'm a psychological counselor- gymnast-motivational speaker-relaxation therapist-sex worker."

'I'd love to have whatever job you have left.'

Very well, Mr Potter. I blinked first. You're hired.

'We're looking for someone who would be comfortable toiling in obscurity for at least thirty years.'

'I'm going to write a salary figure on this piece of paper. You tell me if it is acceptable or too high.'

'Heyyy, you're hired! Want a peanut?'

'Since you were previously self-employed, you shouldn't mind working for us without a health plan.'