Job Juggling Experts Pillows

"The demands of this job can place quite a burden on your family, so we recommend you fake your own death."

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

'Go right in -- he's expecting you.'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

"Look Billington, if you can't take the strain, tell me, ok?"

"I can't sit down. Don't you remember? I worked my butt off for you."

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

'I find my job interesting because even after 27 years, I still don't know exactly what I'm doing here!'

"You say you’re currently holding down 3 jobs...very impressive."

"Never do today what someone else can do tomorrow."

Guess which "squeaky wheel" got another raise.

"But what you call a track record I call ancient history."

'You call it diversified work experience.. I call it can't hold a job.'

"I figured my stress ball should match the size of my anxiety."

"No, it's no mistake. There is no out."

"Getting back into the market can be stressful. I recommend a portfolio of sleep-aids, tranquilizers, and antacids.'

'Yes sir, I'll get right on it. Would you like it done with or without gusto?'

"This is a fast-paced job you're applying for...what are your goals...where do you see yourself in the next 10 minutes?"

SNAKE CHARMER: snake reads 'help wanted' ad.

"Misunderstood,overworked,underpaid and stressed, it's bound to lead to depression...still enough of my problems,what can I do for you?"

'Welcome aboard, Bob. Your job is to figure out what the hell happened here.'

'What do I do around here? Sir, I really think I deserve some time for research and preparation before answering that.'

"I don't understand, having a pulmonary embolism isn't on his to do list!"

(an employee is in grasp of a giant octopi.The employee's boss is yelling at him through a bull-horn) 'Mr. Smith! According to H.R., you can no longer be employed here! Alright H.R., you can set Mr. Smith down now!'

Waiter: 'I'm not really a waiter, I'm an actor. I'll act like I'm waiting on you.'

'Regarding where you stand for a payrise - you don't.'

I know I'm not qualified for the job, but watch my incredible video resume anyway. It got an Honorable Mention at Cannes!

"Time to do it in!"

Having It All

Multitasking

'Of course you're overworked and underpaid! Didn't you read the fine print in your employee's contract?'

Jack and the Beanstalk.