Job Juggling Expert Pillows

'We're looking for someone who doesn't mind, and is willing to take a pay cut from time to time...'

Hunter-Gatherer, Agriculture, Services, Tech. . . Job-Hunter-Gatherer.

Some Jobs Are Not Suitable For Working From Home.

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

'Go right in -- he's expecting you.'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

"Look Billington, if you can't take the strain, tell me, ok?"

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

'I find my job interesting because even after 27 years, I still don't know exactly what I'm doing here!'

"You say you’re currently holding down 3 jobs...very impressive."

Guess which "squeaky wheel" got another raise.

"But what you call a track record I call ancient history."

'You call it diversified work experience.. I call it can't hold a job.'

"Getting back into the market can be stressful. I recommend a portfolio of sleep-aids, tranquilizers, and antacids.'

SNAKE CHARMER: snake reads 'help wanted' ad.

"This is a fast-paced job you're applying for...what are your goals...where do you see yourself in the next 10 minutes?"

'Yes sir, I'll get right on it. Would you like it done with or without gusto?'

"Misunderstood,overworked,underpaid and stressed, it's bound to lead to depression...still enough of my problems,what can I do for you?"

'Welcome aboard, Bob. Your job is to figure out what the hell happened here.'

'What do I do around here? Sir, I really think I deserve some time for research and preparation before answering that.'

Waiter: 'I'm not really a waiter, I'm an actor. I'll act like I'm waiting on you.'

(an employee is in grasp of a giant octopi.The employee's boss is yelling at him through a bull-horn) 'Mr. Smith! According to H.R., you can no longer be employed here! Alright H.R., you can set Mr. Smith down now!'

'Regarding where you stand for a payrise - you don't.'

I know I'm not qualified for the job, but watch my incredible video resume anyway. It got an Honorable Mention at Cannes!

Having It All

Multitasking

I avoided the layoff, but they transferred me to the high-wire act. At least it's steady work.

"This is my first day. I don't have any yet."

Have you ever read Dickens, minion? No. How about Upton Sinclair? John Steinbeck? Who?

'Of course you're overworked and underpaid! Didn't you read the fine print in your employee's contract?'

"I dreamed last night that I had a job within walking distance."

'I'm married to my job, and now it wants a trial separation!'