Care Juggling Expert Pillows

'You did it again, Ms. Wolfson. You left your toddler at adult care, and your father at day care!'

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

"But what you call a track record I call ancient history."

"Getting back into the market can be stressful. I recommend a portfolio of sleep-aids, tranquilizers, and antacids.'

"This is a fast-paced job you're applying for...what are your goals...where do you see yourself in the next 10 minutes?"

Waiter: 'I'm not really a waiter, I'm an actor. I'll act like I'm waiting on you.'

I know I'm not qualified for the job, but watch my incredible video resume anyway. It got an Honorable Mention at Cannes!

'We've never had an accident - aside from three of our five kids.'

'Looks like someone got their bags mixed up at daycare drop-off.'

Having It All

"This is my first day. I don't have any yet."

Hunter-Gatherer, Agriculture, Services, Tech. . . Job-Hunter-Gatherer.

"Among them, my children have eighteen years of accumulated experience harassing their mother!"

"I cased the joint, and it turns out they'll just give you money if you work thirty-five hours a week as a teller."

"I could really get ahead at my two jobs if it weren't for that five letter vice I crave...SLEEP."

"Thanks for coming in again. Sorry about the last time. I must have pulled the wrong lever by mistake."

Working Mother

"Yes, I can multi-task. Why do you ask?"

'I don't understand why you don't want to take your daily medication.'

Sorry, sir, but today is Tuesday, and I never did get the hang of Tuesdays.

"O.K., now—on three, I'm going to toss a second job in there!"

Unicyclist painting a ceiling,

Well, I can't sit around all day - I have things to do.

"I'd let her go, but she's so good with the kids."

"The demands of this job can place quite a burden on your family, so we recommend you fake your own death."

Sorry, still got my 'raising kids' head on...

'I know the ad said 'temporary,' but when did you say you had your last contraction?'

'We're looking for someone who doesn't mind, and is willing to take a pay cut from time to time...'

"I'd love to be a stay at home mum, but I'll get into so much trouble if I miss any more school."

'Ah, another grant has come through.'

"I've got to figure out how to get paid for work dreams."

College graduate selling vacuum cleaners door to door.

'Congratulations on winning the Triple Crown.'

Candles: Mom burning at both ends.

Recovery: New Job, Day One