Job Candidates Pillows

"We want someone who can multitask. During our interview I'd like you to fill out those forms and have a physical."

"My name? Is this a 'Gotcha' question?"

'How can we recompense them for the SACRIFICES they will have to make, the damage to their families, their relationships?'

"Well, what I lack in cognitive thinking skills I more than make in moral flexibility."

"And I suppose my greatest feature is that I don't mind kissing a little booty to get ahead!"

"That was a good interview. Do you have any other questions about this company?"

"My strength is in the details..."

"What do you mean when you say 'competitive salary?'"

"Good luck with your interview, and don't forget to mention that you are a gender neutral, vegan, climate change campaigner."

'I have this fear of the real world...'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"He's having a hard time finding work."

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

He may have a PH.D in elementary particle physics, but he's having an awful lot of trouble with the application form.

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

Good Luck!

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

'Now then - I just wanted to see how you handle pressure, Mr. Boyle.'

"So what makes you think you're qualified for this job?"

How are you at decision making?

'What a CV - if you can write memos like this you'll go far in our organisation.'

"OK, you're good and just the guy we need in security."

'A depressing thought just came over me. Now we'll have to go out and get a job!'

'Curious how all four previous employers spelt 'exceptional' with just an 'x'.'