Jive Turkey Gifts

Today, a special retro segment of The Fad Herald. It's the Fad Herald. Off the hook! Hey jive turkeys, here's what's not cool: Fossil fuels, dependence on Mideast oil, long gas lines. Here's what's groovy: Solar power, alternative fuels, energy independence. Can you dig? The world is changing, baby! Instead of solar panels, I'm buying a sweet 8-track player. Next week, a look ahead to 2040. What's out: Waiting in long lines to fill up the spacecraft with gas.

#Thanksgiving #Nofilter

Cut out and keep your own Christmas Caterer.

'Mom's Diner, Turkey Sandwich Special, $2.00.'

'I swear, if he didn't always pick up the tab, I'd never go drinking with him.'

Are you the guy who ate my brother?

"The last one is Uncle Charlie. He was pardoned in 1987."

'We can always cook it one half at a time.'

The great bit pie chart of holiday season dining.

'Stove Top Stuffing! My favourite!'

"It wasn't a farming accident. She just bit my head off again."

"Talk about close calls! Harry, tell them about last Thanksgiving!"

"I guess it must be that new growth hormone the farmer gave me!"

"Never say you're stuffed!"

How's my Jiving?

"For keyhole turkey carving we use a 12 mm port in each flank and third in the midline."

'Father, meet Sister Kate, she shimmies like a jelly upon a jelly plate.'

'Haven't you ever heard of warmed up turkey?'

"This? It's my Thanksgiving outfit. It's already pre-stained in cranberry sauce and pumpkin pie."

A Dog Is For Life Not Just For Christmas.

'How To Survive The Holidays'.

Ineffective Turkey Disguises

'Next year we'll bring the turkey.'

Turkey Dinner and gravity

Meat Poultry Fish. Genetically Modified Christmas Turkeys. Order Now. They inserted kangaroo DNA to make a product for stuffing, and octopus DNA so everybody gets a drumstick!

"Hippity hoppity. Easter's on its way."

....aaaand.... HELICOPTER!

Christmas was the one time of year when Roger could take advantage of working in the genetic research laboratory.

"He bought a thermometer for me, and I'm not even sick."

'I don't know what happened in there, Stanley... But I've completely lost the urge to eat. I mean it - I feel stuffed! Supposed to come back right before thanksgiving for a follow-up though.'

"Bad news - your DNA was delicious."

'This is just a holiday tradition - It's nothing personal.'

And then I said, "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." So he said "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." Of course, I had to say, "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." It happens every year -0 the turkey never fails to put him to sleep!"

"Don't worry. This year I have a new recipe."

"Not a good sign. It's a box of pop-up thermometers."