Jewelry Skeptics Gifts

'The closest thing to precious stones he's ever had is kidney stones.'

"And if that diamond ring don’t shine, Poppa will probably take it back to 47th Street and get something for your mother."

"My wife wanted to see a diamond. So I took her to a ballgame."

Lots of shiny glass objects! Darling, you're spoiling me!

'It's in my belly-button if you must know!'

Posh Easter Egg

'...And this one comes with a magnifying glass so she can show it off to her friends.'

'It started with a kiss - then their nose rings got locked.'

Dolly Varden - 'The Laughing Dolly'

"Oh crap, my mood ring!"

"We're going out -- of course I'm wearing my pearls."

'This associate has a first rate mind...and a third rate suit.'

A giant diamond hurtles through space toward a population of very conflicted women.

"Someone's been sending me J. Crew catalogues."

"What would I suggest for a woman who has everything...a prenup!"

"I'm off the leash, but I'm keeping my collar on."

'The ocker dared to call her bortz a jargoon.'

'Why does this have an expiration date?'

"I'm looking for something special that says 'I'm robbing this jewelry store.'"

"But as I understand it, there's no priority on diamonds."

'...Longer football season...sports car...promotion...'

"Actions speak louder than words, Ron. And anything diamond encrusted is particularly audible."

"The DVD you want is on my right earlobe."

"Seriously? Earrings again? How much thought do you actually put into buying me presents?"

"Mainly we supply material for nuclear reactors, electronics and costume jewelry."

'I know it's the thought that counts - what were you thinking?'

'Remember our last cruise The porthole is not a wall safe,'

'Still adding to your collection, Sir?'

"You can have anything you want on your birthday, dear ... except bracelets."

"It's one of our most popular rentals."

"You may think you look cool, but can you actually breathe properly with that stupid cap on?"

'I'm prepared to spend three months' wages. What've you got for $11.47?'