Jewelry Skeptics Gifts

'The closest thing to precious stones he's ever had is kidney stones.'

"My wife wanted to see a diamond. So I took her to a ballgame."

"And if that diamond ring don’t shine, Poppa will probably take it back to 47th Street and get something for your mother."

Lots of shiny glass objects! Darling, you're spoiling me!

'It's in my belly-button if you must know!'

Posh Easter Egg

'It started with a kiss - then their nose rings got locked.'

'...And this one comes with a magnifying glass so she can show it off to her friends.'

Dolly Varden - 'The Laughing Dolly'

'This associate has a first rate mind...and a third rate suit.'

"Oh crap, my mood ring!"

"We're going out -- of course I'm wearing my pearls."

"Someone's been sending me J. Crew catalogues."

A giant diamond hurtles through space toward a population of very conflicted women.

"It's a miracle the miners could even find a diamond this small."

"What would I suggest for a woman who has everything...a prenup!"

"I'm off the leash, but I'm keeping my collar on."

'The ocker dared to call her bortz a jargoon.'

"But as I understand it, there's no priority on diamonds."

"The DVD you want is on my right earlobe."

"I didn't know you were spiritual."

"Actions speak louder than words, Ron. And anything diamond encrusted is particularly audible."

'Why does this have an expiration date?'

"Mainly we supply material for nuclear reactors, electronics and costume jewelry."

'Two idiots don't make a good gift!'

"Seriously? Earrings again? How much thought do you actually put into buying me presents?"

'...Longer football season...sports car...promotion...'

"I'm looking for something special that says 'I'm robbing this jewelry store.'"

Dog Bling. First I got a tag with a phone number

'I know it's the thought that counts - what were you thinking?'

'Remember our last cruise The porthole is not a wall safe,'

"You may think you look cool, but can you actually breathe properly with that stupid cap on?"

"You can have anything you want on your birthday, dear ... except bracelets."

'I'm prepared to spend three months' wages. What've you got for $11.47?'

'Still adding to your collection, Sir?'