Jewelry Repair T-Shirts

'I call him in for special jobs like this. There's your pearl necklace, Mrs. Spengler, good as new.'

'Oh my God. I love it!'

"I wish I had her jewelry." "I wish I had his wife." "I wish I had her figure." "I wish I had his money."

Venn Diagram: DIamonds

Diamond outfits

Jewellery Shop: Disposable income spoken here.

'Go ahead and laugh, but I lose my keys less frequently than you do.'

Life Store Guide: Make-up and jewellery

"See what I mean? It's going to take a bigger diamond."

'We recommend that you get a ring of equal weight for the other hand to prevent improper alignment of your spine.'

"My wife wanted to see a diamond. So I took her to a ballgame."

"Diamonds are so three billion years ago..."

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

"But until I do transmute lead into gold, maybe I could interest you in some lovely lead jewelry."

A Zircon Is Forever

'Good morning pumpkin.' 'Good morning treasure.' A pile of treasure saying 'good morning' to a pumpkin

Lots of shiny glass objects! Darling, you're spoiling me!

'I want to finish with him, but I'll have to wait until he's made the final payment on my engagement ring.'

'Ouwth! Bid my tong!'

'Or you can rent by the week...'

"Good artists borrow, great artists steal."

'We would like to buy three rings... Engagement, wedding and teething!'

'Too pricey? Perhaps you wish to see something in macaroni and spray paint?'

"I'd like to have my teeth scrimshawed without being, you know, harpooned."

'It's one of our new technology rings, it allows you to download karats.'

'We always like to give more bling for the buck.'

'It's in my belly-button if you must know!'

'It started with a kiss - then their nose rings got locked.'

Will you be mine?

"Next time you meet me dressed as a giant boy, it's going to cost you a pair of diamond earrings."

Jewellers - "If you really love your wife to be, then money should be no object."

Posh Easter Egg

'...And this one comes with a magnifying glass so she can show it off to her friends.'

It is my mother's, she uses it as an anchor for our yacht.

"How much did it cost to have your ears pierced?"