Jestful Jokester Pillows

'I was in the right place at the right time once, and then I realized it wasn't ME.'

'Gravity...Go figure!'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

Growth Charts

"Merry Christmas"

'If I thought for one moment that you were identifying...!'

Mr Claus, tests indicate your blood is 95% milk and cookies.

"I'm off, I only popped in for a swift three units."

'I'm SECRET Santa, kid.'

Father Christmas uses laptop on roof. Man says: 'I think someone is stealing our wi-fi.'

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

Cat Waits For Mouse To Come And Kiss Under The Mistletoe

Men dancing

'Apparently our postcode qualifies us for Government sponsored loft insulation.'

"Redcoat is down! Repeat, redcoat is down!"

Why are you insisting on spending Christmas in hospital, Gran? I prefer the Santa here, darling.

Rudolph the brown-nosed reindeer.

Who says religion can't have a sense of humour.

"You want me to explain how there were two doughnuts in the larder and now there is only one? Easy, it was too dark in there to see the second one."

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

"Honey! A Jewish starfish!"

'But sinister gales - with that armour?'

Elf of the Month

"Maybe this year..."

"Take a shower first. You smell like a chimney."

Cleaning the Horse

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

"That's right, Robert. Santa sends us a copy of his naughty and nice list, and we send him our students' grades."

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

Hot Cross Bun

'Wow...you must have had a really bad day, eh, mate?'

'Okay Dad, time to unwind.'

"Guess what the elves told me? The North Pole is made out of candy!"