Jellyfish Jokester Gifts

"I let my head rule my emotions. Mainly because that's where I keep my gonads."

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

'Gravity...Go figure!'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

Growth Charts

"Merry Christmas"

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

'If I thought for one moment that you were identifying...!'

Mr Claus, tests indicate your blood is 95% milk and cookies.

"I'm off, I only popped in for a swift three units."

'I'm SECRET Santa, kid.'

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

'There's so much I want to do with my life...before I reach the age of criminal responsibility, that is.'

Father Christmas uses laptop on roof. Man says: 'I think someone is stealing our wi-fi.'

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

Why are you insisting on spending Christmas in hospital, Gran? I prefer the Santa here, darling.

Men dancing

'I was in the right place at the right time once, and then I realized it wasn't ME.'

"Redcoat is down! Repeat, redcoat is down!"

'Apparently our postcode qualifies us for Government sponsored loft insulation.'

Who says religion can't have a sense of humour.

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

'I don't know why I'm so unpopular - I haven't got a nasty bone in my body.'

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

"You want me to explain how there were two doughnuts in the larder and now there is only one? Easy, it was too dark in there to see the second one."

'What, not even a kiss first?'

'Crabs, sharks, octopi...'

"Maybe this year..."

Elf of the Month

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

Santa Claus stuck in a chimney sitting in a hospital emergency room.