Jacket Hoarder Pillows

'That's our mission statement.'

'I know one of my shoulders is lower than the other. It's because my father's guiding hand is always on that shoulder.'

Things my vacuum likes to suck up

"There HAS to be a giant ball at the end of all this string."

"So that's where all the socks ended up!"

Bobbies library of jeans

Just because I'm adapted to the cold, doesn't mean I like it!

Philosopher's pub with 24 hour thinking.

Festive squad

'It was a gift.'

STRIP "I've tried everywhere to get a new winter court...but all the stores are full of next years summer collections"

'Looks like they decided not to g south this winter.'

"My father said I was too big for my britches!"

"I plan to retire when bank robbery becomes legal!"

"It's a midriff warmer."

"Buckle up. We're in the midst of an unprecedented breadcrumb recession."

'With these crazy markets, you have to diversify to protect your money. Put some under your mattress, some in your sock drawer, maybe some in a hole in the yard...'

'We are not responsible for any coats that might fit a member of staff.'

Amazon Prime Day ~ The Aftermath

"Your room is exactly as you left it."

'Oh good, it looks like the few things I ordered from the catalogue have arrived.'

Everyday is cyber Monday.

'Still saving money to finish that nose job eh?'

"I wouldn’t say ‘fat,’ per se, but it isn’t particularly slimming."

'The furniture store next, I'm going to need a larger wardrobe.'

"No one leaves until we reach a consensus on whether it's black or navy."

Puffer Jacket

"And this set comes with a year's supply of replacement socks."

Bundle up!