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American's Funniest Tax Decuctions

'I do have a trust, you wanna see it?'

Suggestions box in a toilet.

IRS Audits. Do you have tax records? No, I pay about the same as most people.

"Thank you, and may the I.R.S. accept all your deductions."

'We've gone to profit-sharing. But it's with the IRS.'

"You really clean up on these mileage deductions, don't you."

IRS, 'I think we should audit this one, sir -- his signature looks shaky.'

IRS: The country is broke, but your taxes cannot be construed as 'Charity to the Poor'.

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

"It's part of a deal I worked out with the I.R.S."

"I hate doing appraisals, it involves thinking about them."

'I'm not experienced, but I have a PhD in Byzantine history.'

'Even if we did skin you last year, you may not deduct your dermatologist bill this year.'

Ever sensitive about its image, the IRS tries a more service-oriented approach.

"Now, Mr. Lindsay. About this non-profit organization you head."

"Remember, report itemized deductions on Schedule A on your federal form 1040."

'...I also do some work for the tax department.'

'Don't mind me. The last place I worked was a real sweatshop.'

'I've been through your tax return and for the minute there's nothing to worry about.'

"Hmm....who's this tall drink of water?"

'Why aren't you guys profiling minorities like other las enforcement agencies?'

IRS, 'Two jobs? -- Oh, the greedy type, eh?'

'Paperwork just lacked that personal touch, don't you agree?'

Income Tax Return

"It's about all the treasure laid up here."

"I have nothing to hide."

'Well, well. You made thirteen hundred dollars more last year than you did the year before -- you people never learn, do you?'

'That was devious and despicable... keep up the good work.'

'Well, well. You made more money last year than you did the year before -- You people never learn, do you?'

Resignations/Applications

Wade 'Gator' Ruben, Tax Attorney

"The tip jar is not for me. It's for the U.S. Budget Deficit."

'It doesn't say anything about gift tax, son. It just says the Magi came bearing gifts.'

'I assume you have paper work to back up all these time travel business expenses.'