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The First Tax Authorities. We only audit gatherers. Auditing hunters is too dangerous.

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

'As the government sees it, the U.S. budget would be fine if more deficit earners like you, Mr. Wald, go on the ball!'

"For this job, we require someone with excellent multi-taxing skills."

IRS Audits. Do you have tax records? No, I pay about the same as most people.

"You really clean up on these mileage deductions, don't you."

"Thank you, and may the I.R.S. accept all your deductions."

Safety Barriers

"I can't imagine how things could get any worse."

'Due to recent staff cut-backs and consolidations, I'll be handling your death AND your taxes this year!'

IRS, 'I think we should audit this one, sir -- his signature looks shaky.'

IRS: The country is broke, but your taxes cannot be construed as 'Charity to the Poor'.

"You may think the government is a big 'Giveaway' program, but you can't deduct your tax as a charitable contribution."

Tax Collector

IRS, 'It might make you feel better if you just think of it as a negative entitlement.'

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

IRS agent to professor scrutinizing tax return under microscope: 'Still looking for that tax loophole, professor?'

"Goodness, grandma. What big deposits you made in offshore accounts without declaring it."

'Watch what you admit to. He once tried to fine one of my clients for looking a gift horse in the mouth.'

"Well, if it's a fairy story you want, here's a good one that arrived at the office today."

You want an extension? Good heavens, man, we haven't even paid for Reagans boondoggles yet!

National Liberty and Tax Codes.

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

'Oh great, now I have to render unto Caesar, too.'

"You can't be serious about all these travel expenses in December!"

'Okay... now everyone smile and say: 'that;s not deductible'.'

"If that income is personal, why do I have to tell you about it"?

IRS. April 15th is the deadlie for filing your return, not a "best if used by" date.

'I know a lot of folks get us confused, but I'm actually taxes!'

Please be seated. A jack booted government thug will be with you shortly.

'I feel I owe a lot to my country.' - 'So, you haven't paid your income tax again.'

'Then he smiled and his very last words were 'Now the inland revenue will never find out!''

"I now represent both death and taxes."