Irs Insider Jokes Lover Pillows

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

'As the government sees it, the U.S. budget would be fine if more deficit earners like you, Mr. Wald, go on the ball!'

Safety Barriers

"For this job, we require someone with excellent multi-taxing skills."

"You really clean up on these mileage deductions, don't you."

"Thank you, and may the I.R.S. accept all your deductions."

"I can't imagine how things could get any worse."

'Due to recent staff cut-backs and consolidations, I'll be handling your death AND your taxes this year!'

IRS: The country is broke, but your taxes cannot be construed as 'Charity to the Poor'.

"You may think the government is a big 'Giveaway' program, but you can't deduct your tax as a charitable contribution."

IRS, 'I think we should audit this one, sir -- his signature looks shaky.'

IRS, 'It might make you feel better if you just think of it as a negative entitlement.'

'Oh great, now I have to render unto Caesar, too.'

IRS agent to professor scrutinizing tax return under microscope: 'Still looking for that tax loophole, professor?'

Tax Collector

'Watch what you admit to. He once tried to fine one of my clients for looking a gift horse in the mouth.'

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

You want an extension? Good heavens, man, we haven't even paid for Reagans boondoggles yet!

National Liberty and Tax Codes.

"Well, if it's a fairy story you want, here's a good one that arrived at the office today."

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

"You can't be serious about all these travel expenses in December!"

'Okay... now everyone smile and say: 'that;s not deductible'.'

"If that income is personal, why do I have to tell you about it"?

'I know a lot of folks get us confused, but I'm actually taxes!'

Please be seated. A jack booted government thug will be with you shortly.

"It's part of a deal I worked out with the I.R.S."

'I sent my mother to jail. I work for the IRS.'

IRS, 'You filed your tax return two days late -- Why do you hate America?'

'I called you in here because your expenses and contributions appear to be quite elaborate!'