Irs Insider Pillows

'Well, well. You made more money last year than you did the year before -- You people never learn, do you?'

"It's part of a deal I worked out with the I.R.S."

'Why aren't you guys profiling minorities like other las enforcement agencies?'

'I assume you have paper work to back up all these time travel business expenses.'

'It doesn't say anything about gift tax, son. It just says the Magi came bearing gifts.'

We try to be helpful, you can bring in the rest tomorrow.'

'The hours are short, there's no night work, and, best of all, you don't need a fence.'

'You say you've got plenty of nothing? Well, we think plenty of ANYTHING is worth taxing!'

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

"The tip jar is not for me. It's for the U.S. Budget Deficit."

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

"National security adviser"

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

'As the government sees it, the U.S. budget would be fine if more deficit earners like you, Mr. Wald, go on the ball!'

"These few weeks off school have convinced me that I'm definitely a stay-at-home kid."

"For this job, we require someone with excellent multi-taxing skills."

"You really clean up on these mileage deductions, don't you."

"Hold everything! I just thought up a terrific loophole!"

"Thank you, and may the I.R.S. accept all your deductions."

"I can't imagine how things could get any worse."

'Due to recent staff cut-backs and consolidations, I'll be handling your death AND your taxes this year!'

IRS, 'I think we should audit this one, sir -- his signature looks shaky.'

IRS: The country is broke, but your taxes cannot be construed as 'Charity to the Poor'.

"You may think the government is a big 'Giveaway' program, but you can't deduct your tax as a charitable contribution."

'Oh great, now I have to render unto Caesar, too.'

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

IRS agent to professor scrutinizing tax return under microscope: 'Still looking for that tax loophole, professor?'

'Watch what you admit to. He once tried to fine one of my clients for looking a gift horse in the mouth.'

"Goodness, grandma. What big deposits you made in offshore accounts without declaring it."

You want an extension? Good heavens, man, we haven't even paid for Reagans boondoggles yet!

Tax Collector

IRS, 'It might make you feel better if you just think of it as a negative entitlement.'