Irs Humor Fan Pillows

'I couldn't declare it. It was HUSH money!'

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

'Alas, poor Yorick, I knew you well. But dude, you're creeping me out, so I gotta un-friend you!'

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

The Brothers Grime

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

Trump Poutine

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

"You see, it's perfectly safe to tease him..."

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

'Yes, can I help you?'

"Consider yourself lucky that you only got a little shaken up in that dryer--socks get lost in that thing and aren't ever seen again.'

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

In utero...boy, THOSE were the days!

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

'We found you in a cabbage!'

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

A Golden Non-Retriever

Beer Parasol.

US Credit: 'I'm down grading your credit rating...'

Winter Weather.

Tequila Mockingbird

'More government surveillance!'

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

"For the last time, we never need the route with the fewest turns."

'Joe has been partying hard!'

"My favorite part of the story was when Prince Charming kissed Sleeping Beauty and she totally rebooted."