Irs Humor Fan Pillows

'I couldn't declare it. It was HUSH money!'

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

'Alas, poor Yorick, I knew you well. But dude, you're creeping me out, so I gotta un-friend you!'

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

The Brothers Grime

10 K Tail-Chase

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

Trump Poutine

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

"You see, it's perfectly safe to tease him..."

'Yes, can I help you?'

"Consider yourself lucky that you only got a little shaken up in that dryer--socks get lost in that thing and aren't ever seen again.'

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

'We found you in a cabbage!'

The Snooze Bar.

A Golden Non-Retriever

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

In utero...boy, THOSE were the days!

Beer Parasol.

US Credit: 'I'm down grading your credit rating...'

Winter Weather.

Tequila Mockingbird

'More government surveillance!'

'Joe has been partying hard!'

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

tRUMp, Pirate President

'Too many people in our state are overweight, Senator. They want fat-free pork.'