Irs Humor Aficionado Gifts

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

Trappist Monk Discord

'What does it say, Dad?'

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

HELLth Food Sprouts

"The next song was sixties anthem for the youth subculture of revolution, anarchy and anti-establishment...and can now be heard in elevators worldwide."

'If I believed in aptitude tests I'd still be washing cars in Accrington,.'

"I'm not angry, but in the future I’d prefer it if you chewed up her Sue Graftons, not my P.G. Wodehouses."

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

"Would you like to see the markup?"

'Looks like the perfect time to bring in our profit sharing scheme.'

"...in other news: Google has been admitted to the United Stations..."

Crime in bookshop

"Actually, you do have a racist bone in your body."

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

'Staffers don't report we're managing decline. They report we met our targets and did out job!'

Men Working Things Out

Clone Factory

Man on left - 'What do you call a public servant who spends half their time doing private work?' Man on right - 'An MP?'

"Wow! Check out the moon."

Trump Tariffs

Moses' first encounter with the burning bush didn't go well.

'Remember, repeated failure... is no guarantee of eventual success!'

"Inactivists"

'It's an emergency, Doctor. The vitamin company needs an endorsement.'

"Oh, just the usual here, occupying Wall Street."

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

'In my opinion, hold out for a doctor.'

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'