Irs Gifts

'It was your request for a more complicated tax form that raised the red flag.'

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

'As the government sees it, the U.S. budget would be fine if more deficit earners like you, Mr. Wald, go on the ball!'

"You really clean up on these mileage deductions, don't you."

"Thank you, and may the I.R.S. accept all your deductions."

'We've gone to profit-sharing. But it's with the IRS.'

"For this job, we require someone with excellent multi-taxing skills."

"I can't imagine how things could get any worse."

'Due to recent staff cut-backs and consolidations, I'll be handling your death AND your taxes this year!'

'What makes you think we have a radiation leak?'

IRS, 'I think we should audit this one, sir -- his signature looks shaky.'

"You may think the government is a big 'Giveaway' program, but you can't deduct your tax as a charitable contribution."

IRS: The country is broke, but your taxes cannot be construed as 'Charity to the Poor'.

"Well, if it's a fairy story you want, here's a good one that arrived at the office today."

IRS agent to professor scrutinizing tax return under microscope: 'Still looking for that tax loophole, professor?'

"Goodness, grandma. What big deposits you made in offshore accounts without declaring it."

'Watch what you admit to. He once tried to fine one of my clients for looking a gift horse in the mouth.'

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

You want an extension? Good heavens, man, we haven't even paid for Reagans boondoggles yet!

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

National Liberty and Tax Codes.

IRS, 'It might make you feel better if you just think of it as a negative entitlement.'

'Oh great, now I have to render unto Caesar, too.'

Tax Collector

"You can't be serious about all these travel expenses in December!"

'Okay... now everyone smile and say: 'that;s not deductible'.'

"If that income is personal, why do I have to tell you about it"?

'I know a lot of folks get us confused, but I'm actually taxes!'

Please be seated. A jack booted government thug will be with you shortly.

IRS. April 15th is the deadlie for filing your return, not a "best if used by" date.

'I feel I owe a lot to my country.' - 'So, you haven't paid your income tax again.'

'Then he smiled and his very last words were 'Now the inland revenue will never find out!''