Irony Indulger Pillows

Execution.

"Living in a city with functional infrastructure must be so boring."

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

Though he created more than 300 products from peanuts, George Washington Carver was unable to change even one of them back into a peanut.

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Bob had to confront his fear of butterflies.

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

"So then, after I'd invented my time machine, I thought: why not go back and visit the good old days?"

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

'This country is on the road to ruin.' - 'Well, it'll never get there in this traffic.'

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"It says 'break glass' but it doesn't say what glass!'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'Dang it, I just washed this street. Boy, every time...'

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

Unpopular Street Signs: Road Work Behind, Speed Jump Ahead, Good Luck, Slow Distracted Adults.

'The meek shall inherit the Earth!'

"They haven't said two words to each other—it's sad... I hope we don't end up like that." "They keep talking to each other—it's exhausting... So glad we don't have to do that."

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

"Well, look at the bright side, Timmy — you're 100 percent wrong."

"How do you do it, hon? Marriage, kids, civic responsibilities, managing a multi-million dollar business and still finding time to do an 18-month stretch for securities fraud?"

'I'm so bored - nothing ever happens around here!'

'I wasted half my life perched on top of a mountain in the Himalayas. Only to discover that the true meaning of life was a night in watching the box, with a few cans of lager.'

'This guy loves giving stump speeches. Ironically, they're all against deforestation.'

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

"It's the dawn of a new era"

'Half-baked beans, low fat variety' "Who says we have no taste?"

"After a long day or remote work, it feels great to change into something less comfortable."

"We'll destroy it to the ground ... ...and then..."

"Needs to get a life"

"VP J.D. Vance called Donald: 'cynical asshole,' a 'moral disaster,' a 'total fraud,' an 'idiot,' and suggested he might be 'America’s Hitler.'"