Irony Hunter Pillows

Procrastinators Club.

"Only one of us can be 'The Funny One'."

"You've gotta be for Trump. It's all about the judges."

'We're trying to get 'Keith Richards on Sobriety'...'

Really obvious 'Idiots Anonymous'

Running in please pass

'Remember -'Choco Chunk' is a super duper snack, but you obese kids better keep sway from it.'

"Living in a city with functional infrastructure must be so boring."

Though he created more than 300 products from peanuts, George Washington Carver was unable to change even one of them back into a peanut.

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

Bob had to confront his fear of butterflies.

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

'This country is on the road to ruin.' - 'Well, it'll never get there in this traffic.'

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

Backfire

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

Horror movies

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

"They haven't said two words to each other—it's sad... I hope we don't end up like that." "They keep talking to each other—it's exhausting... So glad we don't have to do that."

"...and before you embark upon life's journey, could one of you help me with my laptop?"

"How do you do it, hon? Marriage, kids, civic responsibilities, managing a multi-million dollar business and still finding time to do an 18-month stretch for securities fraud?"

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

"We're at the top of the food chain and rulers of all we survey. What could possibly go wrong?"

'I'm so bored - nothing ever happens around here!'

"Hey, remember a few days ago, when all this was unacceptable?"

'Stuck on a desert island, in the middle of the ocean, with only a palm tree for company, it's a bloody joke.'

'This guy loves giving stump speeches. Ironically, they're all against deforestation.'

'I wasted half my life perched on top of a mountain in the Himalayas. Only to discover that the true meaning of life was a night in watching the box, with a few cans of lager.'

Devil's food cake/Angel's food cake. Delivery mix-up.

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

"Needs to get a life"

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

"It's the dawn of a new era"

'If you exercise you add 10 years to your life.' - 'But I would spend the 10 years exercising.'