Irony Appreciation Club Gifts

"But now you're free - free like our bold forebears to seek your fortune in the untamed wilds."

No smoking.

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

"All natural snow cones for sale."

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

"Would you relax? All you guys are so tense. I just wanted to tell you to your face how enigmatic I find you."

"I've no idea. Maybe it's the slumber channel."

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

'Dear Diarrhea, Day 84. Well, I'm constipated again today...'

"It says: 'The teamwork that got you here is the real treasure.' Aww."

Always empty your fridge before starting a diet.

"It's a cage. It's gilded, and I love it."

"You've changed."

"The article you sent me on how technology causes stress crashed my computer."

"Ooh look Derek. A shooting star. Quick make a wish"

"I thought they were cracking down on jaywalking."

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

Chaos Theory - a butterfly flaps its wings...

"...But ASIDE from that, how was your trip to France?"

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...