Ironmonger T-Shirts

'Monged too much this week?'

"Hey Ned, tell your ironmonger I like his sense of humour"

Ironmongers

'I cleaned over thirty fish today.' - 'That takes guts.'

"Wild-caught, farm-raised, lab-grown, beach-found, or aquarium-harvested."

A bridge builder using an organic blow torch.

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

How Swordfish Are Born

'C'mon, guys. That old geezer just leg pressed 400 pounds when he got up from the chair.'

'You simply put up a minimum of $2,500. If the price of fish goes up, your investment goes up. If the price of the fish goes down, your investment goes down.'

Tartar sauce.

Scuba diver in a fishmongers

'Buy two pounds and I'll throw in the sword.'

'You mean that I have to carry them to my car?'

DaVinci Cod

"Give a man a fish, you cut your throat. Teach a man to fish, you're a damn fool."

'Do you make fish cakes? It's his birthday!'

"Unplug and chill out."

'Fish store' 'All our products are dolphin-safe, whale-safe, turtle-safe, seahorse-safe.'

Moby Dick.

"No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants."

'First of all, I'm taking you off the iron supplements.'

"Yes, Ma'am, our fish is flown in fresh every day!"

'It seems to be pretty easy, chief. The victim was a fishmonger and we've got a motive, a culprit and a murder weapon.'

"And yet, I too am a still life."

"...and how long have you been a smoked Kipper Grader?"

"Wife and two hernias to support!"

"Avez-vous Cocoa Puffs?"

Pressing Problem

'Oh flips! I've forgot me anvil again!'

'Your mom too? Always saying, 'You never do anything constructive.''

Frozen Food - Pick Your Own

"Guys, guys! He's pointing at me! This is great, I've never been picked first before!"

"Your eels are enormous - where do you get them?"

'It's the people downstairs again.'