Ironically Resistant Gifts

'See?... I told you I couldn't be hypnotised, didn't I?'

A vampire in a canoe.

'He's not here right now. He's out pumping iron.'

'You sure complain a lot for someone who says he loves nature.'

Body by Jake

'The company wants us to embrace change, but I'd personally prefer a quick handshake.'

"I know this is going to sound completely crazy and off the wall - but do you, by any chance, know how to iron?"

"Unplug and chill out."

"I'm worried about little Gwendoline. She's ignoring her phone and thinking on her own!"

"Let's see how brave you are without your gun."

Fitted Sheet:1/Human:0

Fancy Wallpaper in a Cell

"Actually I'm doing this to stand out more in the scholarly community."

Income Tax Return

"Live and let live...Dude. Are you even listening?"

'What do you mean, I don't match? Everything I'm wearing is wrinkled.'

' Kiss me'

"Ms. Higgins, which button do I push for one of those cutesy, thing things, that people put on their emails?"

'I took a short cut.'

"I'm afraid you've got subsidence."

Angel looking down to other angel: 'Oh, those poor meek guys - they inherited the Earth.'

Big fish can't eat the little ones.

"The time management consultant rang to say he's running late!"

Hell's Kitties

Man with a sign that says: Violence Never Solves Anything, has been knock out cold.

Environmentally friendly woman putting slug killer down

Sponsored grump, donate now: 'This isn't much of a challenge for you really, is it?'

Referee School