Ironically Indulgent T-Shirts

'Yes, that's all - isn't 1500 calories enough?'

"Christmas drinks 'n' nibbles system"

'Not that sort of body building program!'

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

"Might I suggest something wicked for dessert?"

Woman at spa having bath in a Martini cocktail glass.

This is a great game --- All except for that blimp. It keeps reminding me I've already broken my diet resolution. Pizza. Chips.

"Hmm...I LOVE chocolate chip ice cream...!"

'The Ambassador will not be pleased, Madame.'

Chocs away.

A giant glass of red wine

"I'm just having fruit for dinner. Well, mostly grapes. OK, all grapes. Fermented grapes. I'm having wine for dinner."

In Case of Emergency: Dark Chocolate

"And what would you like to regret later?"

I can't decide what to read, Gourmet or Weight Watchers.

'Please take this away from me.'

"The doctor said it wouldn't hurt to fudge a little on my diet."

"Wine not?"

'Did anyone save a stomach for dessert?'

Robert Morley

'I'm just not feeling sufficiently incentivised today.'

Candy Shop and Al's Gym:'We have heart-shaped candies' - 'We fix pear-shaped bodies'.

"Call me sentimental, but if I had to live my life all over again, I wouldn't change a thing."

I'm glad the kennel pampered you, but you weren't supposed to keep the robe.

Fine candies: Healthy eating is our no. '6' concern.

"Do you have a strain that pairs well with Chunky Monkey?"

He'll have a crumb of wheat toast. No I won't! I'll have a sausage biscuit with cheese. And we'll have a plain glass of water. No I won't! I'll have a mocha with whipped cream. And for dessert … I'll have a hot buttered blueberry scone with pumpkin-spice frosting and peppermint sprinkles! That looks lovely! He'll have plain yogurt. If you don't eat right, you won't be around for me to berate. Give me a double donut burger! A triple would be more humane. House of Java.

"Yippee. . . no more dieting!"

"I've kept both of my New Year's resolutions! Three donuts a day and more time in my pyjamas!"

"...And a 'Death by Chocolate' for Madame..."

"Table for a retirement part of one, please."

"Do I love myself or is it lust?"

"When the President said each of us should ask 'What can I do for myself?' - Well, I just hopped in a cab and went right over to Saks."