Ironically Funny Moments Appreciator Pillows

'HEYYY!! He's cheating!'

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Showbiz Awards

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

"All natural snow cones for sale."

"Would you relax? All you guys are so tense. I just wanted to tell you to your face how enigmatic I find you."

"I've no idea. Maybe it's the slumber channel."

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

'Dear Diarrhea, Day 84. Well, I'm constipated again today...'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'Let's see here... Mr. Stevens... it says you slipped in the tub and hit your head.'

"It's a cage. It's gilded, and I love it."

"You've changed."

"It says: 'The teamwork that got you here is the real treasure.' Aww."

Always empty your fridge before starting a diet.

"The article you sent me on how technology causes stress crashed my computer."

Deer Season Open.

"Ooh look Derek. A shooting star. Quick make a wish"

"I thought they were cracking down on jaywalking."

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

10K Run: Smoker's Lane.

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"...But ASIDE from that, how was your trip to France?"