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"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

'Why couldn't you throw like that in the game?'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

Alternative fielding positions

"... It's just that, when you said you had a couple of tickets to see the big game..."

'Best save I've ever seen.'

'He's gonna dunk on me. I just know it.'

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

'But he's supposed to tell everyone how much you weigh! '

Ok, ok, maybe you guys are right - maybe I do have a concussion.

Pole Vault Rules

'It looks suspiciously like Killer Hart is taking a dive!'

'Anyone else want to get up and leave before the game is over?'

"Lord Stanley's Cup...and Bailey"

'We've conducted a chemical analysis of the beef in hot dogs, and we've determined, Mr Ruth, you are guilty of steroid enhancement.'

"Remember—we're not Eagles fans or Patriots fans. We're Tom Brady Somehow Gets Humiliated fans."

Football heads...

Footballer kicking his own brain.

Punishment for the kicker.

'When you said, Dream Team, I thought you meant the Swiss Bikini Team.'

'And remember...no sudden moves in the shoot out.'

'...And Timmy, as usual, will guard goal.'

"It's all show-as soon as Marks gone he switches off the football and reads Proust..."

Glenn Hoddle

Ski Surfing

T-Rex Racing: A Short-Lived Sport

"Listen, I've had 25 fights and won all but 24 of them."

Captain Ahab and Moby Dick in Retirement

Pole jumper about to land on a giant whoopi cushion.

'In this...um...part of the circle...'

Dominique Valera - The King/Cat

Foam finger gets stuck up a foam nose.