Ironic Name Lover Pillows

"So far we've narrowed the choice of names down to either Fearnaught or HMS Arsekicker."

"OMG, LOL!"

'Tomorrow we'll look back on this as a night to remember.'

It started friendly enough...'I'm Henry VIII, my dear, but you may call me 'Hank'.'

'Good morning pumpkin.' 'Good morning treasure.' A pile of treasure saying 'good morning' to a pumpkin

My Spam Sketchbook

"When I said that if only poor people worked a little harder they might get some money, I didn't mean my money."

Advertising on the internet.

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

"OK, well, if you do hear anything, be sure to give us a call."

Elephant and Castle

'This may be the first day of the rest of my life, but I've decided to wait for the second day.'

"I was listening at the door and I overheard the nickname they have for me."

'My husband's first name? Heck, I don't know! I call him `wimp` since we met the first time'!

'I'm actually Farnsworth Huddleson the fifth. The first was an obscure character in a Dickens novel.'

"Look, professor, a Tibetan Blackbird or Turdus Maximus."

And it goes without saying that...

'They call me 'ka-ching'...I'm the go-to cash player.'

Blues musicians who never found their audience

Daddy's little girl....Or not...

"Hey, you know those collective nouns are just a bunch of crap, right?"

Onandonodon

"We realize it is an unnecessary department, but the acronym was just too cool to shut it down."

"Nah, not my type."

'The tracks are getting fresher. He's close by.'

'They call me... Condor!'

The Grim Reefer: 'DUDE,that was,like,your last puff,MAN.'

Counsellor is an owl.

The Stranger

"What's the matter, cat got your tongue?"

"You cheeky little monkey, Stephen, trying to pinch a chip."

"Don't you think it's time we talked about the rhinoceros in the room?"

"No, I said we were going bear hunting...not hunting bare!"

'I think we should start seeing other people.'