Ironic Commentary Lover Gifts

"It could have been worse."

"I am not just a 'Hater.' I happen to be very discriminating in my prejudices."

"Bloody politicians! They give all our hard earned tax money to lazy unemployed people! What about us? We can't even afford to buy a fifth TV, an eighth smartphone or twelve packs of cigs a day!"

Send this message to ten of your friends and you will be happy...

"Look! No hands!"

'Of course I stretched first. That's how I hurt myself.'

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

Gardening Calendar: January - The Snow will be deep now...get out into the garden...

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

The Hammer

"You are still here."

Public footpath on a desert island.

"The candy on the pillow is a nicety of the house."

Anti-inflammation recipes

"When I said that if only poor people worked a little harder they might get some money, I didn't mean my money."

'Where Are They Now?'

'You're a good man, Henderson, but you don't have your staff's respect.'

"OK, well, if you do hear anything, be sure to give us a call."

Help! Send fishing tackle!

"I'll have dessert first."

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

Seven deadly sins shopping plaza

"Fit the reality to our statistics!"

Healthy Eating Casualties

"I can check again, but Mr. Saunders usually insists on the full wait."

New anti-obesity cookbook.

Campaign 2016

"I was thinking of joining a parenting class."

"I see he finally got rid of that idiotic comb-over."

'We have a strict dress code. Can't let you in without a straightjacket and tie.'

'I really felt at home there. The food was awful!'

"Just between you and me, he was a road kill."

"Down here, greed is totally unregulated."

'The worst part is I'm afraid of the water.'