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Golda Meir.

'These elves sure are helpful around the house.'

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

High security Santa's grotto

Elfie Stick

"We're at the top of the food chain and rulers of all we survey. What could possibly go wrong?"

"Hey, remember a few days ago, when all this was unacceptable?"

"Just don’t tell the other vultures. I’ll never hear the end of it."

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

"Our new information management system has just worked out where we wasted most money last year. . . It was on the new information management system."

Ironing day.

"I'm afraid he left everything to charity... Oh, I see. I take it your name's Charity?"

'Do you know how fast you were going?'

"The bad news is we've fired 80% of your office. The good news is we're fixing the coffee machine."

"The UWS association for the advancement of A.I."

"Day 736. Still loving the fact that I can smoke all over this island..."

'Good luck, everyone! Maybe this will be the year somebody finishes the race!'

"All it will do is move crime to the South Pole."

'And then, just to humor the guy I said 'I need a hug', little thinking that the big gorilla would do just that.'

"The last one is Uncle Charlie. He was pardoned in 1987."

"Here comes the quote unquote dog whisperer."

Caution: ironic literal proverb ahead (fork in the road)

'Don't worry it's organic...'

'I saw an offbeat play the other night. No one took off their clothes.'

Met Office: Wet today and dry tomorrow.

"Beats me. They put up the sign and went to their panic room."

'You mean that I have to carry them to my car?'

'The company I ran was non-profit, but that wasn't intentional.'

'Do you have to be so melodramatic?'

Buy Back the Junk We Bought at Your Garage Sale

'Doctor, how can I prevent wrinkles? Don't sleep in your clothes.'

'I'm Bored'

Moses' TV guide.