Ipo Humor Enthusiast Pillows

"We've lowered our IPO price so many times, the Street's referring to it as an Initial Pathetic Offer."

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

"So then, after I'd invented my time machine, I thought: why not go back and visit the good old days?"

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

"It says 'break glass' but it doesn't say what glass!'

"Look! No hands!"

'The meek shall inherit the Earth!'

Unpopular Street Signs: Road Work Behind, Speed Jump Ahead, Good Luck, Slow Distracted Adults.

"Well, look at the bright side, Timmy — you're 100 percent wrong."

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

'Dang it, I just washed this street. Boy, every time...'

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

"We'll destroy it to the ground ... ...and then..."

Trappist Monk Discord

'Half-baked beans, low fat variety' "Who says we have no taste?"

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

Joe's 'Take Responsibility For Your Own Actions' Bar.

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

Bookstore, the Politically Incorrect Guide to You.

"After a long day or remote work, it feels great to change into something less comfortable."

'There will be no raises this year since the state now has a lottery.'

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

Emergency Phone.

'Of course I stretched first. That's how I hurt myself.'

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

Businessman sees door sign 'Department of Mismanagement and Overbudget'.

'If he could trace the matching sock I've another 25 or 30 to account for.'

"Never mind, Harry. Just remember, the 'Saturday Review' loved it."

'My pessimism keeps me optimistic.'