Investment Skeptics Pillows

Victims of Financial Consultant's

'I'm sure it's our investment consultant but I'm not sure if this is a good or a bad sign...'

Get rich today with cold fusion tomorrow! Invest now!: 'More like con - fusion! He's a con artist!'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

Stock market investment advice

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

Bernard Madhoff $50-billion Ponzi financial scheme.

Pillaging, formerly Acquisitions Department

'Okay, let the minutes show we're not absconding with the money until the economy improves...'

'So, a bailout is like a Ponzi scheme for automakers?'

'Whenever they discuss trickle-down economics, I have to go to the bathroom.'

'If congress regulates obscene bonuses, isn't that a violation of the first amendment?'

'If America's economy is so bad how can we afford a billion dollars on presidential campaigns?'

'I've been in Washington for 30 years, and that's the biggest rathole I'VE ever seen!'

'The bailouts worked, the stock market shot up to 15,000 and everyone was relieved.'

'There's no correlation to stock prices. It's just a 'feel good' graph.'

This horse isn't dead. It's just sleeping.

Deposits insured by the U.S. Government (which has a $4.2 trillion debt).

'Stocks dropped today, proving once again that life sucks.'

We lost money in every division, but through the magic of accounting, our Take A Penny Leave A Penny trays earned $46 million.

'Great speech on the future of the economy. You said nothing with great conviction.'

'I want you stop referring to our grant as 'The Big Dipper.''

The private sector is a parasite on the economy.

'In an effort to make our economic reporting and projections more accurate, our resident weatherman will be delivering the economic news.'

"This investment will make a pile of money. Of course, a good question is 'for whom?'"

'It will bring economic benefits to the North and Midlands.'

'My work is based on a version of the truth, but I believe the truth to be fluid...'

Be thankful we didn't invest social security funds in the stock market.

Assets $2,400,000,000 Liabilities $4,6000,000,000 Government Bailout $2,200,000,000

'Consumer confidence is up.. in the 'Money in the mattress' sector.'

How Supply-Side Economics Works.

"Do you mind? I'm reading the prospectus carefully before investing."

"Have you ever wanted something so bad that you'd actually save up the money to buy it?"