Investment Satirists Pillows

This is Dr. Sadie, what's your question, caller? Where do you think I should invest my tax refund? That's a great question. In my day, most people would've opted to put the funds into your standard Serta, or even a newfangled Posturepedic. Those people were morons. The more forward-thinking investor knew she'd run less of a risk of bed bugs eating her fortune if she went with a La-Z-Boy. Um ... ok, ... thanks.

Spot the difference.

The truth is, Congressman, we didn't know it was wrong to screw people.

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

'Blast it, Peterson -- What's this I hear about you letting our profits trickle down?'

'We're all right as long as they think we're taking millions.'

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

Vinnie's Repossessions: A Turtle has just had his shell repossessed

"The economy's been worsening for a while, but people still don't feel it, Rudy." "...Which means we still have time to get in on the despair action." "Despair action"? "We're going to expand our menu. Add more comfort foods, more 'sale' items, debt consolidation loans..." "Nobody's dumb enough to get a debt consolidation loan from some random guy." "Ha ha hoo hoo hee-"

Help! Have to pay back a big world bank loan.

Where Ignorance is Bliss.

'Bad news on Wall Street. The entire stock market has been downgraded to a 'junk' classification.'

"Thank you, and may the I.R.S. accept all your deductions."

'I think we're setting the bar too low.'

Exchange Rate Going Down the Plughole

The Contrarian funds

'Give me something that will restore my faith in Equities . . .'

This government special reserve fund is like a cookie jar for crooked cronies!

'I thought time was supposed to be money!'

Investments.

'The fourth quarter was no walk in the park. Especially for those who count on us to walk in the park.'

Your son has a genetic inability to calculate. This forecasts for him a brilliant career in the Ministry of Finance.

'The 'free market' economic theory is falling!'

'In today's market news, losers outnumbered those who were wiped out.'

I think I can explain what happened to your investment, with the use of this simple chart.

"We disagree with the president - we kinda like Robin Hood - we take from everyone and keep it - how much more successful can you get?"

"Do your thing, Phil...lull them into submission."

"We bring him gifts of gold, frankincense and mercantile mutual hedge fund options."

'I today's market news, Greed roared back.'

'It's a demonstration by retired CEOs who refuse to give up their bonuses.'

'On Wall Street, both stocks and bonds dropped on news that adversity is good for the soul.'

'It's like a bull market, only not as aggressive. It's more like a steer market.'

'The bad news is that we're only in it for the money.'

"It's this trend that leads us to believe we should supplement our oil commodities with investments in some of the Earth's rich vinegar and crouton reserves."

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