Investment Satire Enthusiast Pillows

'How do I know you're legit?'

Greek Crisis

"Consumer confidence remains high as long as we keep them distracted buying stuff."

The Contrarian funds

IRS: The country is broke, but your taxes cannot be construed as 'Charity to the Poor'.

Investments.

2nd bailout for Greece by EU.

Golden bubbles

"Do your thing, Phil...lull them into submission."

'In today's market news, losers outnumbered those who were wiped out.'

'I blame Iceland - it's PAYBACK!'

'I today's market news, Greed roared back.'

"It's this trend that leads us to believe we should supplement our oil commodities with investments in some of the Earth's rich vinegar and crouton reserves."

I think I can explain what happened to your investment, with the use of this simple chart.

"You inherited an extra toe from your father and didn't pay the inheritance tax on it."

'...But the good news is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

'There's a bear on line one and a bull on line two. Who do you want me to put through first?'

'Steady...here he comes...wait for it, wait for it...'

"I recommend you invest in oil. Prices are down now, but auto leaks are up."

'We've had a marginal advance-decline on a near-term buy-out, but no one knows if that translates as a downturn or an up-tick.'

Sale - All Junk Bonds 50% Off.

"The scammers managed to clear out your entire pension fund."

'Your investments in sub prime mortgages have become collectors items now! Aren't you excited?'

"Can money buy happiness? Certainly not the amount I'm paying you."

The New Square Mile Regulator.

'Today the Yuan rose against the pork belly, the chicken beak, the eel, the wanton, and the egg noodle.'

We live in turbulent times. Therefore I'm keeping you in turbulent stocks

'Greece is up for auction on eBay - and there's no bidders.'

'It's a deal, for $15 an hour, I'll stand in front of your office.'

'Oh my God!! The economy's in ruins! There's no money!'

'I called you in here because your expenses and contributions appear to be quite elaborate!'

Large cap funds

Bank of England Suspends Gold Payments Following Run on the Banks

Cufflinks + Handcuffs = Embezzlement

"Well, I guess the bubble has burst over at Phillips Rodny Associates."