Satirical Investment Enthusiast Pillows

'If you had $10,000, where would you invest it for the short term?'

'Blast it, Peterson -- What's this I hear about you letting our profits trickle down?'

'We're all right as long as they think we're taking millions.'

Exchange Rate Going Down the Plughole

'Give me something that will restore my faith in Equities . . .'

The Contrarian funds

'I thought time was supposed to be money!'

Investments.

I think I can explain what happened to your investment, with the use of this simple chart.

'I blame Iceland - it's PAYBACK!'

"It's this trend that leads us to believe we should supplement our oil commodities with investments in some of the Earth's rich vinegar and crouton reserves."

'It's like a bull market, only not as aggressive. It's more like a steer market.'

'On Wall Street, both stocks and bonds dropped on news that adversity is good for the soul.'

"Do your thing, Phil...lull them into submission."

'I today's market news, Greed roared back.'

'In today's market news, losers outnumbered those who were wiped out.'

'...But the good news is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

"I recommend you invest in oil. Prices are down now, but auto leaks are up."

'And then the bad man from the Securities and Exchange Commission and I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house down!'

'There's a bear on line one and a bull on line two. Who do you want me to put through first?'

'I can't believe it! This is when I sent out a company memo advocating a win-win philosophy.'

'I'm calling my invention 'IPO'.'

"The scammers managed to clear out your entire pension fund."

Sale - All Junk Bonds 50% Off.

'Polly wants a Nasdaqer...Polly wants a Nasdaqer...'

The New Square Mile Regulator.

'Today the Yuan rose against the pork belly, the chicken beak, the eel, the wanton, and the egg noodle.'

We live in turbulent times. Therefore I'm keeping you in turbulent stocks

"Can money buy happiness? Certainly not the amount I'm paying you."

'Your investments in sub prime mortgages have become collectors items now! Aren't you excited?'

'Oh my God!! The economy's in ruins! There's no money!'

"We can't all work for Goldman Sachs."