Investment In-joker Gifts

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

Get crazy once in a while

"Ok... for today I want a 500-word essay on what you know about nothing."

'Want to freak her out? Stare over her shoulder without blinking for 10 minutes.'

"How is the dollar trading against the Martini today, Jack?"

Never pick a fight with a comedian.

During his financial report to the board of directors, Ted hits the poignancy button by mistake.

'The bad news is that we're only in it for the money.'

'I've heard all about you. Jayne says you're quite the prankster.'

"Oh, him? He's the guy who changes the interest rate when it's set by the fed."

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

"We've got a new financial advisor. I asked him how to cut down on out of pocket expenses and he said to stop wearing clothes with pockets."

'Let it go, will you? -- That whoopie cushion incident was years ago!'

'My new investment counselor keeps referring to my stock portfolio as 'a financial aneurism waiting to happen'.'

"In light of current market conditions, I've diversified your portfolio to include Lotto tickets and bingo chips."

Toilet humour

Here lies BoBo the Clown

"What do you mean, you 'feel funny'?"

"Don't put your money into stocks. Bury it!"

Ever sensitive about its image, the IRS tries a more service-oriented approach.

'I wonder if I can increase its range?'

No infrastructure problem here

"Everybody's a comedian. When I asked the clerk if he had this size bolt, he laughed and asked, 'What are you - some kind of nut?'"

Mr. Bubbles was beginning to regret sending his son off to clown college. 'Is that what they teach you, up at that fancy school of yours?!'

Shenanigans at the Leper Colony.

'A room with double beds, please.'

"Tell me more about Armageddon. I think it may have potential as an exchange-traded fund."

'Your Chef's Surprise, sir -- a sauteed whoopee cushion.'

A clown & his clone.

"Does this mean my loan has not been approved?"

Garage Sale: Assorted shares of stocks.