Budget Balancing Joker Gifts

'It's all your fault-trying to keep up with the Catherine Zeta Joneses!'

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

'You earned this corner office by cutting corners...'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

George doesn't really like me using the credit card.

"Everything's gone up."

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

During his financial report to the board of directors, Ted hits the poignancy button by mistake.

'As part of our alternative budget management strategy we've got Tim on 'Hail Marys' in here and Geoff sacrificing a goat to Woden next door!'

'Do you remember the good old days when April 15 was the only 'fiscal cliff' people worried about?'

'I need affordable daycare now!'

'If the universe and everything in it is expanding, how come our budget gets shrunk all the time?'

"Sorry, I'm late. I didn't realize how much credit you had on your card."

'The hospital needs to cut its drug budget...Mrs Miggins will be seeing what she can do for the Oncology department with hot twigs and frogspawn...'

'Yes, I think you better had ask Santa for it. Because there's no way I could afford to buy it.'

Free Range Eggs - ""I've decided to sell up. I'm having trouble making hens meet."

"Times are perfect for us masochists!..."

'The popularity polls love what you've done with the budget deficit....moving the decimal one point to the left.'

Ever sensitive about its image, the IRS tries a more service-oriented approach.

"Sometimes I get the crazy feeling that he blames us for the budget overrun."

"Does this mean my loan has not been approved?"

"An apple? Doesn't he have any pizza?"

Jim's Smart Kettle

'When does a tax increase not sound like a tax increase?'

'There's not much of an incentive after taxes.'

'The test results are in. We've ruled out anything cheap.'

Cost of Terror.

"You can eat all the cake you want and still get into heaven."

'I know the marketing budget is stretched...but I still think we need professional models!'

'On my salary, microeconomics is all I can afford.'

Principal with 'budget cuts' in-tray and 'creative solutions' out-tray.

"Under the new tax plan, do we get it in the neck more or less than under the old tax plan?"

"I brought chips and cookies to snack on and baby carrots to sit unopened on the blanket."

'I realize it's not much of a war, but it's all we can afford right now.'

SOARING BILL