Investment Illusionist T-Shirts

"These are magic beans, my boy. Their value comes from growth and scale, not revenue."

"I give you the seven-billion dollar pup, then you give me back the seven-billion-dollar pup."

"Behold! As I transform this family size frozen lasagna into a meal for one."

'And I'm happy to say, that since the merger...'

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

Optical Illusion Supply Company.

Bernard Madhoff $50-billion Ponzi financial scheme.

Magic Tricks

"Nobody truly appreciates the magic that goes into a good omelet."

Spiro & Pusho illusionists

Juggler and Illusionist

"We need a market icon that reflects the ridiculous market conditions..."

'So, a bailout is like a Ponzi scheme for automakers?'

"For my next trick, I shall turn four consecutive quarters of losses into a positive outlook going forward."

"Mom, that magic kit you got me for my birthday, we may have a problem."

The Contrarian funds

Investments.

"It's this trend that leads us to believe we should supplement our oil commodities with investments in some of the Earth's rich vinegar and crouton reserves."

'I brought Simmons here on board to use his powers of levitation on our customer intelligence.'

Propping up a profits chart.

'In today's market news, losers outnumbered those who were wiped out.'

"Do your thing, Phil...lull them into submission."

Magic Act

"Just once, when you bring me a bouquet of flowers can you not pull it from your sleeve?!"

'You just don't know when to give up, do you?'

"In the hat! In the hat!"

'Not here, Fred.'

'And then the bad man from the Securities and Exchange Commission and I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house down!'

David Blaine, Age 60

Sale - All Junk Bonds 50% Off.

'Stocks dropped today, proving once again that life sucks.'

'He's a cheat I tell you - it's just a trick!'

The New Square Mile Regulator.

We live in turbulent times. Therefore I'm keeping you in turbulent stocks