Financial Illusionist T-Shirts

"Can you work a little magic with these figures? In fact, can you make them disappear?"

'Judging from this loan application, you must have gotten an A in creative writing.'

'And I'm happy to say, that since the merger...'

Three businessmen using a pulley system to change a graph

"For my next trick, I shall turn four consecutive quarters of losses into a positive outlook going forward."

"These are magic beans, my boy. Their value comes from growth and scale, not revenue."

'I brought Simmons here on board to use his powers of levitation on our customer intelligence.'

Propping up a profits chart.

School of Wizardry and Creative Accounting.

"I give you the seven-billion dollar pup, then you give me back the seven-billion-dollar pup."

"Tell me the fairytale about the economy."

"Here's my wallet, my phone, the key to the safe and an application form for your so-called 'mind control device.'"

"Your job will be to make these results look Stellar."

'I warned you counselor, no more tricks.'

Collapse of 'Corner Men'

Since this is a smoke-free building, we'll have to fool the shareholders with mirrors alone.

It shows off your astigmatism very nicely.

' I earn a six-figure income, if you count those two little numbers after the decimal point.'

"Here's a free tip for you, kid: learn how to brood. Most people in the world mistake it for depth."

"I love the way you hide profits where only I can see them."

"And now, out of thin air, I present to you the very numbers you were hoping to see."

'Wow, it's just like the photo.'

"It's simple, really. Just figure out what the honorable thing to do is – and make it look like we did it."

Remember, Art, statistics, credits and debits are in the eye of the manipulator.

'I'm sorry. The possibility that you may have won $10 million in the sweepstakes won't do as collateral.'

Bert always found plenty of rubbish for his compost bin

£150,000 Per Annum - Daydreaming again, Foster?

"The accountant is here to see you Mr Smith."

"If the goat's giblets float to the top...about £350,000."

'We took a serious hit in commodities when Jack here decided to put our money into magic beans.'

"It's a simple recipe. Add politics to economics, you get tax law."

Get rich quick.

"The tax authority wants to hide someone from their witness protection program here. They think it'll be safe because no one would look for an honest accountant at our company."

"If you want to win this case, you're going to need a magician."

Magic Show.