Fiscal Illusionist T-Shirts

"I love the way you hide profits where only I can see them."

Magic Show.

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

'And I'm happy to say, that since the merger...'

'I used to work for the Treasury Department, but there's no future in economic forecasts.'

"For my next trick, I shall turn four consecutive quarters of losses into a positive outlook going forward."

"These are magic beans, my boy. Their value comes from growth and scale, not revenue."

Exchange Rate Going Down the Plughole

Benefit mistakes cost one billion a year. Well in our defence we did get a lot of the numbers correct,they just weren't in the right order.

Currency Stimulus.

School of Wizardry and Creative Accounting.

Congressional Budget Committee: Benefactor...Victim

"I give you the seven-billion dollar pup, then you give me back the seven-billion-dollar pup."

What is possible and what is probable.

Fiscal cliff

"Financial Adviser advises client 'I advise you that you're broke'."

NHS notice - This is a bring your own bed hospital

The rich, the poor and the terrorist...

"Those taxpayers are real extremists."

"Your job will be to make these results look Stellar."

'Sorry, you must have the wrong person, I don't pay income tax.'

"It's the government, they've spent all our taxes and want to know if we can send them some more."

'It's your debt to society.'

'I warned you counselor, no more tricks.'

"Actually we're one of the few businesses that enjoy VAT visits."

Euro crisis bailout.

I spent it all under the silly notion that it was all mine.

Fiscal Cliff Dwellers.

'Pay bills, stick to a budget, plan ahead.'

'...I also do some work for the tax department.'

Since this is a smoke-free building, we'll have to fool the shareholders with mirrors alone.

"Do me a favor, Harlow. When you greet me, stop saying 'Hello, big spender!'"

The world enters a global financial recession.

"Uh, well, I can't pay today, but my Surety, Joe Q. Public's Great-Great-Great Grandson will stand good for me..."

'We've got all the figures, we just haven't decided what order to put them in!'