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Fiscal cliff

Gas Price Increase Grammar Lesson

'One advantage of having so many dependents is that I don't have to worry about income taxes.'

Yes, they are all dependants."

'Hey -- No fair peeking!'

"You really clean up on these mileage deductions, don't you."

'Dad, did you say 'someday all this will be theirs'?' 'No, me say, 'The IRS's'.'

Exchange Rate Going Down the Plughole

"Other folks have to pay taxes, too, Mr. Herndon, so would you please spare us the dramatics!"

"Rapunzel,Rapunzel.Throw down your accounts for the last fiscal year!"

"Well, I'm sorry. The 3 wishes I'm granting can't exceed the annual exclusion of $14,000."

It's 10 P.M. does anyone know what 'sequestration' means?

"I just asked to see his tax returns. It was supposed to be funny."

"I'm at that awkward stage between credit card payments and alimony payments."

'How about a windfall tax on baked beans?'

'I've figured out a way to lower your income tax...give you less income.'

'Syllogisms won't do you any good here, Mr Aristotle.'

'Tax inspector: In. Out. Suicide notes.'

IRS, 'You filed your tax return two days late -- Why do you hate America?'

'Even if we did skin you last year, you may not deduct your dermatologist bill this year.'

'Ah, I see you made £2,000 more for me this year.'

It's kind of a cross between hunting and gathering --- I calling it "taxing."

"On my taxes, I claimed my inner child as a dependent."

"It's the government, they've spent all our taxes and want to know if we can send them some more."

'He's testing my Hippocratic Oath. He wors for the IRS.'

'Sometimes I think it would be more merciful just to enslave them.'

Ever sensitive about its image, the IRS tries a more service-oriented approach.

"Actually we're one of the few businesses that enjoy VAT visits."

Earl was obviously distressed, as he recounted under hypnosis how aliens had abducted him, and had their tax inspectors thoroughly examine his books.

'Oh...the IRS called. Something about an audit. I told them we weren't interested.'

Tax relief

"Do you have any receipts from this this 'alien abduction'?"

Ancient Greece. "The unexamined life is not worth living." Socrates. Socrates clearly lived in a time before IRS audits.

"Here's a new bill to pay...intellectual property tax!"

"Bad debts, yes, but you can't deduct bad trips."