Investment Humor Aficionado Gifts

'You may want to consider diversifying your portfolio.'

British savings accounts

America's Funniest Interest Rate Hikes

"You have to declare what you rob from the rich, but you can deduct what you give to the poor."

'Now let's proceed downstairs and see where our stock shares presently sits,'

"Your long-range investments would have made you a very wealthy man."

"At least we're consistent ... "

Out of control

"Your stork analyst is here, sir."

'What do you mean, the chart resembles an iceberg?'

'Basically it's a stock that if a chain of near miraculous events would happen to occur, you'd make a bundle.'

'Our fund lost millions, but the good news is our management fees are not based on performance.'

The Contrarian funds

Investments.

"Do your thing, Phil...lull them into submission."

'In today's market news, losers outnumbered those who were wiped out.'

Bank notes coming out of a safe.

Stock Market Research and Analysis

"He downgraded Apple."

The Decline of the Euro.

"It's this trend that leads us to believe we should supplement our oil commodities with investments in some of the Earth's rich vinegar and crouton reserves."

'There's a bear on line one and a bull on line two. Who do you want me to put through first?'

'Due to current market conditions, I'm recommending that my clients invest heavily into pain medication companies.'

'We stopped to smell the darn roses here!'

Ireland and its Celtic Tiger request some donations

We live in turbulent times. Therefore I'm keeping you in turbulent stocks

Inflation is a national headache. . . caused by asset indigestion!

Financial Advisor to client: 'Your portfolio still could earn money if you believe in the existence of junk bond elves.'

Budget Cuts

Tonight's Topic. How To Make a Killing In The Stock Market. I made a killing in the market once, but the only casualty was my investment.

"I'm afraid with your income I couldn't possibly approve a loan of that size. Would you like a list of our approved loan sharks?"

"How much do I need? How much you got?"

The New Square Mile Regulator.

Sale - All Junk Bonds 50% Off.

'The market dropped on the news some IRS refund checks said 'do not cash until next Friday'.'