Investment Humor Enthusiast Gifts

'There's a bear on line one and a bull on line two. Who do you want me to put through first?'

'Now that I have your attention...'

British savings accounts

'The check is in the email attachment.'

Loan Alley

America's Funniest Interest Rate Hikes

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

Our Motto: Buy Low Sell High is the Best Revenge.'

"You have to declare what you rob from the rich, but you can deduct what you give to the poor."

Jumping Wall Street.

'Now let's proceed downstairs and see where our stock shares presently sits,'

"At least we're consistent ... "

"Your long-range investments would have made you a very wealthy man."

'What do you mean, the chart resembles an iceberg?'

Out of control

'Basically it's a stock that if a chain of near miraculous events would happen to occur, you'd make a bundle.'

'A temporary solution would be to white out this part of the chart.'

'Our fund lost millions, but the good news is our management fees are not based on performance.'

The Contrarian funds

Investments.

'Eureka! I found the gene that causes people to sell low and buy high!'

'Credit being what it is, I'm sure you won't mind if we see your 200,000 cattle first...'

The Decline of the Euro.

'In today's market news, losers outnumbered those who were wiped out.'

Bank notes coming out of a safe.

'Oh that's weird! i just had a shiver go down my wallet. My wife must have just bought something.'

"I'd like these invested in an aggressive mutual fund."

"Do your thing, Phil...lull them into submission."

"It's this trend that leads us to believe we should supplement our oil commodities with investments in some of the Earth's rich vinegar and crouton reserves."

In case of falling markets break glass.

'Due to current market conditions, I'm recommending that my clients invest heavily into pain medication companies.'

Ireland and its Celtic Tiger request some donations

'We stopped to smell the darn roses here!'

Federal Guidelines

'Money, that's what seperates us from the apes.'