Investment Guardian Pillows

Any safety features?

The Jeopardy of Progress

Jack of all trades

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

'Humans & Lemmings have a lot in comon...'

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

Will work for ETFs

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

Politically Correct Snowperson

'To help save the environment, I've replaced all of our lightbulbs with compact fluorescents. Now I'm running the old ones over to the landfill...'

"Invest in technology."

Bottle Bank: For the Colour Blind.

"We've called this special Stocholders meeting because we want all of our stock back."

The Shrinking Dollar.

Just Stop Boil

'You're not confident at the water hole are you?'

"Would it kill you to give me a hug?"

Evolution.

'Well, dad, as a medical student I've got to read specialized literature!'

Save the whales. . . Save the pandas. . . Save the planet.

Earth stove

Our Motto: Buy Low Sell High is the Best Revenge.'

There is No Planet C

"He's quick with the birds and bees stuff, but then comes the bulls and the bears..."

'For Harland, the only game in town is the bulls versus the bears...'

'well of course I'm giving your portfolio the attention it deserves, I'm even wearing a black armband!'

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

'This is where I hang out until bullishness makes a comeback.'

Shareholders Meeting: 'Mr Kenny will now take friendly fire from the audience.'

"They've made these fund prospectuses much easier to read." Brochure states; 'Give us all your money and get lost."

Hedge fund sharks attacking 'The Markets' ship.

"I think we have run out of time..."

"Well the good news is that we did save a little money by not investing in cyber crime protection...."