Investment Foodie Gifts

I've repositioned your portfolio to fat-free products....

"I like the Businessman's Special. The fortune cookies all have stock futures in them."

Build Your Own Portfolio

Soup of the month.

Budget Bureau. Ernie, spilling something from every food group on it, does not make it a "balanced" budget!

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

'Running your own business means being self-made, unfortunately it also means finding out what you're made of!'

'Gentlemen-the sweets smell of success!'

"It's this trend that leads us to believe we should supplement our oil commodities with investments in some of the Earth's rich vinegar and crouton reserves."

And so, Rudy unwittingly became an investor in The Infant Restaurant Critic. At first, he was furious having lost his weekly paycheck. But then it dawned on him: He was back in the dot-com game – for the first time in 20 years. He was practically a venture capitalist! I'm a social media investor. It's a multi-platform play with, obviously, huge mobile capability, global reach, soaring audience share. Revenue model? What? Huh? Beat it.

Lottery - come back to eat here 20 times and you will win million dollar in lottery.

Businessman dreaming of pie charts when he sees a pizza.

'What did the fund manager say to the investment advisor?'

'They ought to change the name of this deli to The Cramer - they get it wrong 50 of the time.'

Roadkill Restaurant

"I only invest in alternative meat products, so I reject the terms 'Bull' and 'Bear'."

'You shouldn't put all your cash into one stock... you need to diversify. Try buying beef, vegetable and chicken stock...'

'Your Starbucks, McDonald's, and Hershey Stocks all went down. That shows you should never buy on an empty stomach.'

"Liverwurst is down an eighth, egg-salad is up two and a half, and peanut-butter-and-jelly remains unchanged."

'And just how much is silver going for a troy ounce these days?'

Cooking the books

"The crab Florentine is excellent, but the rack of lamb has limited downside risk.''

"I suggest an investment in Chicken stock."

Bank Roll

Dinner at the Mortgage Restaurant.

'That's $27.50, including the fuel surcharge, carbon tax, noise nuisance and environmental impact fee.'

'You say that you were a chef before retraining as an accountant?... That's good, we could use a bookkeeper who can cook.'

Pork bellies 3 times a day...cookbook for the commodities investor.

'My broker advises me to have the pork bellies.'

"Your broker has 'comped' your meals."

'We've had a cash machine put in.'

Man reading fortune cookie: 'Hey, cool - it's an up-to-the-minute stock report.'

"He's working out what he can buy when his pay rise comes through."

'Bill's overweight on Krispy Kreme, plus he owns the stock.'

'Tonight on the Gourmet Accountant - cooking the books.'