Culinary Investor Gifts

Pork bellies 3 times a day...cookbook for the commodities investor.

'My broker advises me to have the pork bellies.'

"Liverwurst is down an eighth, egg-salad is up two and a half, and peanut-butter-and-jelly remains unchanged."

Investment Club Sandwich.

'With the Businessman's Special, all fortune cookies contain Nikkei futures.'

'My broker has recommended French industries... that's why I've invested in baguettes and croissants!'

"I only invest in alternative meat products, so I reject the terms 'Bull' and 'Bear'."

"I suggest an investment in Chicken stock."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

Build Your Own Portfolio

"Jill Hamster's entrepreneurial disaster"

Canape?

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

The Origins of Everything

"They always throw us stale bread, so I've decided to bake my own, fresh break..."

In the DNA Kitchen

'We just invented cooking yesterday, and already she's serving leftovers!'

You're the icing on my cupcake!

Sweet surprise.

"What if Newton came up with a different idea from a fallen apple."

"That was a great ideaof yours, chester."

"As you can guess, Rico is my role model."

Instant Gratification Cafe.

"Can you reinvent the classic grilled cheese for me?"

"Who shaves the fennel in your family?"

"And that's where hot dogs come from."

"Don't tell him anything."

"Fresh pepper?"

"It's this trend that leads us to believe we should supplement our oil commodities with investments in some of the Earth's rich vinegar and crouton reserves."

'This exotic dessert I make is guilt-free. I already burned all the calories running around finding the ingredients!'

'Beat 3,000 eggs and add one quart of 10-30W oil? So much for putting my recipes on the computer.'

'I can't have you spending all of your money on fancy restaurants like this, Jeff.'

'I'm saving some for leftovers tomorrow.'

'What?! Not even one of you wants to see how they're made?'

'Propane ran out.'