Investment Banker T-Shirts

"On Wall Street today, news of lower interest rates sent the stock market up, but then the expectation that these rates would be inflationary sent the market down, until the realization that lower rates might stimulate the sluggish economy pushed the mark

"Most of what I want this year is listed on the Nasdaq."

Bull and bear checking in for work.

"I'm getting subtle hints of what the Fed might do."

Company man

No-one ever leaves Goldman Sachs voluntarily

Humpty Dumpty sat on a Wall Street

'Basically it's a stock that if a chain of near miraculous events would happen to occur, you'd make a bundle.'

"Sure, it may be great for us, but it's hell on the markets."

'I'm saving up for a hedge.'

"Something about this proposed merger with Wickery Basket Company makes me nervous."

The Victorious Turtle

'At first I wasn't going to join, but with a name like that, how could I resist?'

"Sell all my stocks and buy lots of old comic books instead!"

"Now, where was I?"

Risk Management - ''Be careful' All you can tell me is 'be careful''

'Are you thinking what I'm thinking?'

"Of all the markets, in all the world, you had to walk into mine."

Just Merged.

"As you know we've made a lot of acquisitions lately, and the last one we made seems to have resulted in us buying ourselves."

'Did I say 'merger'? I meant 'acquisition'.'

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I chose the one that said, 'Mergers, acquisitions, incredible bonuses.'"

'Back in the day, you could leverage . . .'

"Of course, you could try another bank, if there were any other banks."

"The free investment advice is buy low and sell high. We offer more detailed advice for a fee."

Welcome to 'Should've, Would've, Could've', the investment hindsight show.

Man with a Plan

"I sometimes wonder if I should have invested so much in the one cow."

'You need a better long-term strategy than winning powerball.'

"Harris, I want you to buy up anything that has 'dot com' in their title."

One man thinking 'merger', the other thinking 'takeover'.

A fight in the Boardroom.

'A temporary solution would be to white out this part of the chart.'

Investor walks tightrope graph balancing risk and reward.

"These are magic beans, my boy. Their value comes from growth and scale, not revenue."