Inventive Humor Pillows

'As a safety feature, I flattened one side.'

Intelligent people laugh too!

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

Football Chameleon

"Look! No hands!"

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

You don't need to believe EVERYTHING you are told.

"I’ve heard of them barking at the moon, but never scatting at the sun."

"Trying to impress us on your first day is understandable, but the moon has already been discovered."

"She's a show dog...purebred, of course." "That's great! My guy's a Sanskrit scholar...wrote for the Harvard Lampoon."

Schrödinger and his cat

'I respond to stimuli, therefore I ham.'

"I'll have dessert first."

Minutes Later The Course Of Comedy Would Be Changed Forever.

'My philosophy is that the bigger you are, the smaller the desk you need.'

Turkey survivability - 'It's all in being able to put the old fork down and say no.'

Murphy bed...Murphy.

'My 434 novels are very similar to Terry Pratchetts apart from the fact that they've never been published.'

Gameshows before the invention of the wheel. (Square of Fortune).

'It's a gadget for buying gadgets over the net.'

Frank Loved Bubblewrap

Sheepdog

'My eyesight was getting worse, but thanks to my new glasses, I can play 'Monkey see, Monkey do' again...'

Giraffe painter.

'Sorry, but my liability insurance no longer allows me to grant that wish.'

Take up karate and learn how to break bricks with your cast.

The cartoonists with a giant Pencil

Atlas' Shoelace Dilemma

'I did create man in my image, but man evolved.'

Cinderfelon

Baggage Claim: Anyone Who Knows How To Hot-Wire A Car.

"Harumph. Some 'sailor man.'"

Grub-skewer sandals.

Buddists singing 'Harvey Krishna,Harvey Krishna'