Unconventional Humor Pillows

Baggage Claim: Anyone Who Knows How To Hot-Wire A Car.

Frank Loved Bubblewrap

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"Look! No hands!"

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

You don't need to believe EVERYTHING you are told.

Trump

'It's the pink spot, Jim lad - them rascals is going to try and tweak my nipples!'

"I'll have dessert first."

"What is it about a tee shirt cannon that says 'foreplay' to you?"

"Well, you can't say they didn't warn us."

Turkey survivability - 'It's all in being able to put the old fork down and say no.'

'I used to chase cars. Now I chase yield.'

'If we're to be able to afford a cutting edge IT system then we have to make sacrifices...and you're ours.'

Alpine Pipe

'Have a good day? No thank you. I had other plans.'

Ice fisherman using plunger to catch fish

'I seem to be very conservative but secretly, I'm a rebel - I don't wear pants.'

New Belief Systems

"It's perfect."

"Harumph. Some 'sailor man.'"

Jesus turns water into Vitamin Water.

"You're going to fit right in here at the firm."

Official in flooded office says: 'A decision on lifting the hosepipe ban will be made in due course.'

"Don't, son – once they cross over into meats, they're out of our jurisdiction."

The Grim Raker

"Unexpected Spanish Inquisition in bagging area ..."

'Let me swear on my grandchildren that our business is 100% legit. We outsourced extortion to the IRS, and assassination to the Pentagon!'

"I'm going to Princeton!"

"Just a little bit off the top, please."

Giant Visitor

"Now I know why those cruise tickets were so cheap!"